Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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