I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
