I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They took my balls.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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