i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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