they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
