trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize