Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
