i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
