im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
