My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
