The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
