yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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