I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
