please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
