i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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