dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
