So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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