She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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