meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
