i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
