I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just pee around me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
