You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
