Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
someone owes me an orgasm
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
