you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
