I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
