In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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