I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
