before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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