I didn't shave. On purpose
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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