I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
