I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
