Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
