when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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