are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
