I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
