Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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