So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
