I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
