Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
