My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have fence marks all over my body
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
