Where is the hickey?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
