so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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