im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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