my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
