windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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