Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize