...so i touched it.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
