So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
