Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
