My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
