I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
