i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
