last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
