I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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