I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
