Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
