allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
