So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
