Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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