I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
