when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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