We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
