Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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