Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
