dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
