No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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