oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
