Nicole vs. Life
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
